Wednesday, March 5, 2014
I have that dress in the picture which is kind of yellowy tan, some yellow skinny jeans, and a black and yellow floral shirt I've been wearing plus yellow nail polish. I did have someone ask about all the yellow recently but it was my little sister lol. She already knows I have endo so not much awareness raised there. It's hard to raise awareness though when you never leave the house! I also made myself this bracelet which has yellow for endo, teal for PCOS, and pink & blue for infertility/miscarriage. I am trying to wear it everyday this month. So far I've only taken it off to shower so I won't have as many opportunities to forget to put it back on!
I saw my therapist on Monday and we talked a bit about how my plans never seem to work out. I've been feeling like there is no point trying to plan anything if it's just going to not happen anyway. I've been feeling especially bad about always cancelling when we have plans to go see my friend who lives two hours away. My mom was asking me when I'd like to reschedule our visit for and I told her what's the point I'll just have to cancel again. I wish we could just spontaneously go one day when I'm feeling pretty good but it's just not possible. If I'm feeling okay either her, her husband, my husband, or my mom are busy. Talking about it helped though because she pointed out I'm probably hardest on myself. My friend probably isn't as frustrated and angry with me over it as I picture in my mind. She understands. But it's still hard.
My next lupron shot is supposed to be anytime now but they haven't called me about it yet. They said they'll call me whenever it comes in instead of me making an appointment. Tomorrow is my birthday and I was hoping it wouldn't be until after that. I don't know if the side effects will increase again and that would be a terrible way to spend my birthday. So that prayer seems to have been answered at least!
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Last week I found out unexpectedly that I would need dental surgery which took place on Thursday. It's kind of funny actually, last Thursday I went to the dentist because of severe pain in my back right bottom tooth that started Wednesday afternoon. It was infected so they put me on antibiotics and scheduled surgery for this past Thursday (so a week later). The funny part is last Tuesday I had blood work done, and after I left the dentist they called letting me know my white blood cell count was elevated so I probably had an infection! If only they would have gotten the results sooner maybe I could have started the antibiotics before it had gotten so painful. So that's why I missed the past two Wednesday posts. I actually had a whole post written up in my head about my perfect plan for the next six months or so, and how I've recently realized it has no chance of happening, but the drugs they've put me on have kept me knocked out most of the time. I'm actually fighting sleep now. Yup, another post about how I should just stop bothering to plan things lol.
Anyway along with some other things not happening financially as I had hoped, we've now also had to pay out of pocket for this surgery. Since I was put under general anesthesia and everything and they ended up having to extract the infected tooth it won't be cheap. This throws a wrench into my plans to hopefully get everything worked out with the clinic to do a donated embryo transfer in June or July. I was really hoping to do it mid-June so we would find out around my old due date. That way the sting of that day would either be lessened or a failure would coincide with another hard time instead of adding another bad day to my calendar. Now I just don't know if we can afford it. I just don't know.
I feel like I'm going to start crying any minute so I'm going to wrap this up. Lord knows I've written enough already. My posts are always so long! My paracord bracelet promotion is still on going. I like making them, it's comforting. We could of course use the money now as much as ever. I haven't sold a ton of them but I appreciate each purchase more than I can say.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
So we didn't do anything for Josh's birthday, we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day, and we couldn't go visit my friend for her birthday. I figured out yesterday I've known her for 18 years! That is so crazy. There are people in the military who were born after we met. That's 69% of my life. I don't feel old enough to have known someone that long. I'm blessed to still have her in my life even if we can't spend as much time together as I'd like.
Early early yesterday morning (like 3am) I started having a LOT of pain. It felt like it does during the heaviest part of my period. I didn't even know if I was going to make it to my blood work appointment. TMI for a second: I haven't had anything more than spotting, but a lot of CM so I feel like my body is trying to have AF but there just isn't any lining to shed. That's good because there's not supposed to be. Yesterday was CD42 and when I started bleeding last time it was 35 days after my lupron shot so it's been about the same amount of time. It's really weird because I've never been this "regular" in my life without the help of provera. Anyway the good news is because I was in so much pelvic pain I could hardly feel it when they stuck me three times and dug around for a good while each time before getting all the blood they needed.