There is more to this, I know.

It's been a long time since I've blogged. I mean really blogged, not just posted about books. Six months actually. I thought it was time I updated everyone on how I'm doing health wise.

Firstly, I still haven't made it back to the rheumatologist for my follow up regarding the $500 worth of blood work I had done way back when. We just couldn't afford it, unfortunately. I finally got insurance at the beginning of the month so that is my priority once I heal from my surgery (I'll get to that in a bit). So I still don't have a diagnosis regarding my full body pain and other various symptoms. This is still affecting my quality of life greatly.

My psychologist took one of my symptoms, feeling like I walked through a spider's web or a hair is stuck on me when there's not, and decided I was having tactile hallucinations. She diagnosed me with major depression with psychotic features. That basically means you get sooo depressed your mind has a break from reality and you become delusional and/or hallucinate. Since this is also associated with fibro and various autoimmune diseases I'm not convinced that is actually happening to me. It hasn't gotten much better with treatment so far even though my depression has improved drastically.

The treatment they have me on now is Abilify which is also used for just depression so I do think it is helping me with that. They also have me in resilience training which has been so helpful! It's a program called E.P.I.C (early psychosis intervention and care) and I wish it was offered to people who were depressed or anxious without psychotic symptoms as well. They have taught me a lot and I'm able to deal with my depression and social anxiety a lot better now. In that way I am thankful for the diagnosis even if I'm not 100% sure it is correct. One thing I've done is create a playlist for bad days which includes songs telling me I can do this. The above lyrics are from one of my favorites, You're Not Alone by Saosin. You can find it on Spotify under the oh so creative name Songs for a Bad Day. I'll also take suggestions for songs to add.

Did I ever mention my knee problems on here? If not around Thanksgiving my knee gave out and made this sickening cracking sound. My mom actually thought I broke something it was so loud. Every since then it has hurt when I have it bent or put weight on it for too long. It has given out and made the cracking sound a few more times since then. I've tried a brace and some simple therapy I can do myself at the suggestion of a doctor at a free clinic I went to without much improvement. Seeing my normal doctor was the first thing I did when my insurance kicked in and she put me on celebrex for it. That doesn't seem to be helping much either so she is probably going to refer me to a specialist after I recover from my surgery. I did get an x-ray and that came back fine so nothing was broken even if it sounded like it.

Over the last few months my endometriosis has gotten progressively worse so that is what I'm having surgery for. I can't afford to go see the specialist I wanted to in Atlanta since my out-of-network deductible is $11,500 and out-of-pocket max is $23,000. That was really disappointing since when I signed up it only told me my in-network deductible ($0) and out-of-pocket max ($2,000) so I thought it was going to be $2000 plus traveling expenses. I don't have a quote on my specific surgery but I have heard it is $6-7,000 just for the doctor alone not counting the hospital and anesthesiologist etc. That could easily run over $23,000! So instead I am having it done with Dr. E again like I did in 2011 for the affordable price of $300. My surgery is scheduled for July 9th as that's the soonest they had available.

We are hoping I will get another two good years out of it like I did the first one. We are going to see about getting a loan to pursue embryo adoption in August. Either I will cycle next year or I won't and that will be the end of TTC for us. Then whenever my endo comes back they can take everything out at the same time. Dr. E has already told me a hysterectomy is the next step after this surgery, she doesn't want to do one now since she knows our plans regarding embryo adoption. Hopefully soon we will officially be TTC again and I can start blogging about that!