Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Good Riddance 2013

2013 sucked. As did 2012, and 2011. 2009/10 were decent, either because not too much bad happened or there was enough good to even out the bad. All I dare hope is for 2014 to be more like that. They say what goes up must come down. Do you think the opposite could be true? That what goes down must come up? Like a bouncy ball let go to drop on the floor and then bounce back into your waiting palm. Then for Heaven sakes put the ball away! I don't need to be up, I just need to be level. Not down. Is that too much to ask?

I think the worst may be over when it comes to lupron side effects. I still have hot flashes, joint pain, mood swings, etc but my pelvic pain has eased somewhat. It's not better, it may not even be getting better yet, but the extra pain caused by the lupron has passed. I can get out of bed so that's an improvement. I'm seeing more chest pain flares though which sucks. Two steps forward, one step back.

My depression is getting worse. My mother has nicknamed me Killer of Dreams. I had an initial appointment with a health and family counseling group earlier this month. I saw a psychiatrist on Christmas Eve and had a terrible experience. He was very dismissive of my problems. I'm on a low dose antidepressant already for chronic pain so he just doubled it to the lowest dose used to treat depression. Of course it makes me so tired I'll sleep for 17 hours after taking it. I've just been taking the new amount every other day and hoping my body gets used to it soon.

I have an appointment with a therapist on the eighth so I'm hoping that goes better. There are so many things bothering me right now I don't even know where to start. If I have another negative experience I've already had someone else recommended.

My disability appeal is due soon and I still don't have a lawyer. I've pretty much been on bed rest the last month and haven't felt up to calling around to the other lawyers. Even if I can get out of bed now I still don't have the energy to explain everything and try to persuade them to take my case. I'll probably end up just filing myself (or getting Josh to do it). With or without a lawyer I'll probably get denied again. A larger percentage of cases are denied at first appeal than even initial application. Gotta weed out those not super serious, I guess. Persistence seems to be the key.

I hope all of you are doing well. Congrats to anyone who has gotten a BFP lately! Hugs for those who haven't. Wishing everyone a happier 2014.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Punday 12/30

Sunday, December 15, 2013

My new normal?

Yesterday I got out of bed one time. I've started keeping some pain meds on my bedside bookshelf and by the couch because I'm always at one or the other. Yesterday I ran out by the bed so I had to get up and get some more. I took that opportunity to use the restroom and microwave some mac and cheese. Yes, I only used the restroom once yesterday. This is bad for two reasons: 1. I'm probably dehydrated and not drinking enough and 2. I think you can get a kidney infection that way. I meant to get up again to take a shower but never felt up to it. Taking a shower is now an arduous task. How sad is that?

My mother's birthday is next week. All she ever wants is to go out to dinner with her family. We don't have many traditions but this one is very important to her. It's already not ideal because I refuse to spend time with my sister's terrible husband (or her if like our last encounter she insists on complaining about her pregnancy the whole time). I hope things start improving fast or I find someway to do this for my mother.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Lupron Sucks

Exactly one week ago I got my first lupron shot. Things have been rather terrible since. It's a horrible drug that better help me or I might have a mental breakdown. I knew the pain would increase but I didn't realize how much. The side effects are awful. I can't do much other than lay in bed or on the couch. I'm typing this on my phone because I can't even sit at the computer. It just sucks.