Cycle 10 CD29 (12dpo) - Big Effin' Negitive

I was so sure. I don't know why I was, just set myself up for disappointment. For the past week or so I've felt like I had some great symptoms. I tested at 9dpo and thought I saw a really super faint line. Like one of those that you only see sometimes. Normally I would have just thought "line eye" and not gotten my hopes up, but very recently one of my friends had a line like that at 9/10dpo and then got great lines a few days later. But I guess it really was line eye or an indent maybe. This batch of tests seem to get a lot of indents.

So next cycle. Next cycle. Sigh. AF should be here tomorrow or Friday. I hope she waits until Friday because I'm going almost two hours away tomorrow for my dress fitting, and I really don't want to have to deal with that. This next cycle is going to be problematic because of our cruise. I'm not sure what to do. We'll be gone from CD9/10 till CD17/18 which is pretty inconvenient. I'm supper glad I won't have AF, but this is about the worst possible timing other than that. If I O the same time I did this cycle, which I think is safe to assume since the protocol is the same, then I'll O the last day or two of our cruise. If I go back to O'ing CD20 then I'll still be in my fertile period on the cruise.

I know what you're thinking, "Babymoon! Vacation is a great time to conceive!" This is probably true for most people, but in our situation it's not as easy as that. I want to just relax on this vacation we've been planning for like 7 months or something. Unfortunately "relax and it will happen" isn't as applicable when you're infertile. For one thing Clomid makes me pretty miserable. For another trying to temp on vacation isn't going to be easy. Who wants to carry around OPKs and a plastic pee cup on vacation? I know I won't be able to take my Metformin. I can't even remember to take it when we go out to dinner now, so there's no way I'm going to remember on vacation, and I have to take it right with dinner or it makes me sick. I'm going to have to take 6 different supplements with us and remember to take them everyday. I'm going to have to keep track of our BD timing and make sure it's enough but not too much, and no one wants to worry about that on vacation.

So the logical thing would be to take the cycle off, right? Only that comes with it's own problems. A while back I read an article about new research that suggests cycles starting with an induced AF have a lower pregnancy rate. I can already tell by my temps that cycles starting with an induced period are different than ones with a natural one. The time we conceived was the only time so far that I ovulated after a natural AF. So it seems like this next cycle might have a better chance since I will have a natural AF. If I skip next cycle and don't take Clomid, then I probably won't O and have to induce AF again, and them when we start back TTC my chances will be lower again. Sigh.

Oh and one of my pregnant friends went for a scan today and was told it's likely her baby won't survive due to bad Down's or a heart defect or both. She's been bleeding for a few days. Oh and my friend I mentioned earlier who had the super faint line on 9/10dpo and then got great lines lost her baby too. This year is really starting out with a bang.

Cycle 10 CD21 (5DPO) - We did it!

I searched forever for a Dora "we did it" gif and could not find one. =[ So this jpeg of her high-fiving Boots will just have to do.

Anyway, as you can see by the blog title my ovaries managed not only to ovulate, but do it three days early! Yeah! Normally I would have just ovulated but this cycle I'm already halfway to testing time. Hopefully implantation will be in the next few days. Last time I felt some weird twinges at 7dpo which I'm guessing was around implantation so I know I'm going to be looking for that again. Would it be weird if my new year's resolution was to give birth?

I've had some new symptoms this TWW that I'm not sure are good or bad. I had a migraine yesterday that finally went away overnight, but then showed back up tonight about two hours ago. It's common for me to have a migraine a few times a month but I've never had one after O. Look at me acting like I'm an LP pro when my sample size is 3. =D I guess it's still to early in my TWW career to know if this is "normal" for me. Along with that I've also had extremely sore nipples since 2dpo. I've gotten breast tenderness before but this is new.

I've noticed something about my temps. The green line is the first time I ovulated since February. My starting pre-o temps were about as high as my post-O temps. Then the purple line was the third month I O'd (total), which directly followed the green month. Those pre-O temps were much lower in relation to my post-O temps. Only one of them was over the coverline. The blue line is this cycle. As you can see, it follows the same pattern as the green line. Both of those cycles followed an anovulatory one where I had to take provera to induce AF. So it seems following an anov cycle my pre-O temps are high. I of course hope that this is my last cycle for a long time, but I am interested to see what my temps would be like next cycle. My guess is they would be closer to the purple line. 

As I think I've mentioned before, along with my womanly issues I also have chronic chest pain. I was on a medication to help that but for reasons I won't go into I couldn't get a refill for a few months. Well I just started taking it again which is awesome. The pain gets worse when I do any physical activity, but it's not so bad when I'm on this medication. I can still only do light exercise for about 15 minutes, but hey it's something. I just got a yoga mat (before I was using a folded up blanket lol) and my little sister got Just Dance 4 and is begging me to play it with her. I really want to play with her and start yoga back but I'm scared to being in the TWW and all. I wasn't so worried Christmas Eve/Christmas but now that I'm in the potential implantation zone I'm a bit paranoid. I've heard so many conflicting things. Maybe I'll forgo the Just Dance and only do yoga poses that don't target your abs. 

We watched The Happening a few days ago. Sorry if this is a spoiler but at the end the female lead takes a pregnancy test. I thought it was pretty funny because when they showed it the test line was EXACTLY the same as the control line. I've seen a lot of pregnancy tests in the 14 months we've been TTC and it's pretty rare for them to be exactly the same in my experience. Usually if it's before AF is due the test line is lighter. If she had waited until AF was several days late (like they weren't TTC and just got worried) it probably would have been darker than the control, unless she has a short LP. I mean I know people who had tests darker than the control at 16dpo! So anyway I just thought that was funny. I probably wouldn't have noticed if we hadn't been TTC so long.

Yeah, I don't believe it either. 

Just think, next time I write a blog post I might know if we were successful or not! AF isn't do until next Friday but I'm going to start testing on Monday. 

Cycle 10 CD16 - Go Time

Yesterday was a really great day! First we went to pick out fabric for my two custom dresses (and one for my little sister). One of them is for formal night on the cruise but one of just to wear. Here is what the formal one is going to look like, sorta.

The dress is going to be hunter green. It's long like A but has a hook and eye for the halter like D instead of the tie. The top and bottom are going to have this sparkly green shear fabric over them but the band in the middle won't. I'm really looking forward to it!

I'm also getting an "infinity dress" made. The skirt is going to be made out of this sparkly purple fabric (I like sparkly things). Note this is an extreme close up of the fabric because she only gave me a little piece to keep. I'm going to find some gold that matches the sparkles over the next two weeks for the strap parts. I've wanted one of these dresses for like a year and a half so I'm happy to finally be getting it!

Then we went to see The Hobbit. They had this really cool Bag End display set in front of the entrance to the theater, so of course I had to get a picture! I really loved the movie, but it's been several years since I've read the book so I don't know how accurate it is. 

Okay now an update on my cycle. I'm fairly certain I'm going to get my +OPK today or really early Friday morning (before we go to bed tonight). The one I took this morning looked pretty close. I got a picture of it but it doesn't look near as close in the picture as it did IRL. Last night I noticed a bit of EWCM so things are looking good! I also had some mild ovulation pains but nothing like I had with O two cycles ago. I didn't have the really strong ones till the day before O so that makes sense. So basically it's go time. Wish us luck! Here's the OPK but like I said it looks a lot closer IRL.

Cycle 10 CD8 - So sleepy!

This week has been terrible! Absolutely terrible. I'm still feeling positive about the cycle over all, but remaining that way would be a lot easier of I got to sleep.

It started of with possibly the worst cramps of my life. I couldn't do anything. I get prescription pain medication for my cramps since they are bad all the time, but this was a whole different level. I took twice as much as normal plus some OTC stuff and I still couldn't function. It was horrible. I'm really hoping that was a one time thing and they won't be that bad all the time now. Well really I hope I don't get anymore AF cramps  for like a year anyway. 

Once I started the Clomid I had to deal with those side effects too. Mostly that's been hot flashes and nausea, the mood swings haven't been so bad yet. The combination of those two is what's keeping me from sleeping. My nausea is worse when I lay down so obviously that's a problem. I can't lay down unless I know I'm going to fall asleep quickly or I will just have to sit back up. So I have to push myself to the edge of exhaustion.

Then the hot flashes keep me from sleeping well once I do fall asleep. Here's the thing about hot flashes, you don't go from normal to hot to normal again. When you're in the middle of it you start to sweat. Sweat's purpose is to cool your body off when it evaporates. So when it's over you are all sweaty and it's fairly cool in the house, so you get cold. It's kind of a nippy cold, you know like a sharp cold. So you cycle through comfortable, hot, cold, comfortable and can do that a few times an hour. Covers on, covers off, covers wrapped around you tight, over and over again. It's not fun.

When I do eventually get to sleep I end up sleeping too late in the day so I can't get anything done. If I make myself get up (like I did today) I still don't get anything done because I'm too tired. I have been needing to go get a new social security card for a while because I will need it for the cruise in January so I had planned to do that this week. I think it will be fairly simple but I don't want to wait and then find out it takes three weeks or something. But I just can't seem to get myself down there.

I just keep telling myself it will all be worth it in the end. Sleep deprivation is something I'm going to have to get used to with a baby anyway, right?

Cycle 10 CD1 - Back to the Grind

I almost posted this morning about how irritated I was AF still hadn't shown. I'm glad I waited, as now I can do a CD1 post instead!

I'm excited about this because I've known for a couple of days I wasn't preg. I'm pretty sure I didn't actually O so I changed my setting on FF so it would take my CH's away. I stopped the provera on Saturday after another BFN so have just been waiting for AF since then. Started spotting late Sunday night so expected to start yesterday. Oh well at least she's here now!

Cycle 10 Plan

250mg Clomid - Debating whether to try CD3-7 or stick with 5-9

Estrogen - 5 days starting the day after I finish Clomid

Progesterone - If I think I'm pregnant and I notice a temp drop, otherwise no as I don't want to delay AF

DHA, Calcium+D, Iron, Metformin - every day 

EPO - Twice a day until O

Lemon Water - At least one glass a day until O

Instead Cups

My DH is also drinking lemon water as it's supposed to sway boy by making his swimmers more alkaline  He probably only needs a couple glasses a day but I guess he likes it because it's all he's been drinking for like a week. Doubt it will actually work, but there's no harm in trying.

I'm really pumped about this cycle! If I do get a BFP that is awesome obviously, but if not I'll be going on a cruise right after AF leaves (FX'd she's not still here) so looking forward to that will make it a little easier to deal with. I'm just starting the iron and lemon water this cycle so I hope that helps. I'm also increasing my EPO in case the increased Clomid makes my CM any worse. I've heard good things about using the Instead Cups, but even if they don't help us conceive it should make things... less messy, which is nothing to complain about. =D Looking at a possible Christmas Eve O so might have to send a letter to Santa!

It feels good to be actively TTC again. I definitely needed the break last cycle because I was kind of in a funk, even before the loss. Now though I am ready to go! I have absolutely awful cramps right now even though I've already taken some pain meds, but somehow it's not bothering me. Well it is physically obviously but not mentally. I expect the side effects will be terrible this cycle since we've increased my clomid again but I know it will all be worth it. I have hope now and that is invaluable. Praying it lasts during the long wait till O time...