Angelversary Recap

I wasn't sure what to expect for my baby's first angelversary (which was Monday). There were times when I felt so bad it was almost like the day it happened. But I also felt extremely supported in both my private and blogging life, which is something that I didn't have until a few days later last year. I had a few friends message me privately letting me know they were thinking of me and that they were there if I needed anything, which was greatly appreciated. The day before we went grocery shopping and I got a big bag of Riesens which is my favorite chocolate candy as well as some ice cream and root beer for floats. I'm actually surprised there is still so much left!

The new Sims 3 expansion came out yesterday and the patch for it came out a few days before that, so it's not a good idea to play my families until the mods get updated. I was actually grateful for this as I'm normally okay playing families with babies but I don't think I could deal with it right now. I spent a lot of the day reading the fourth Percy Jackson book (The Battle of the Labyrinth) which thankfully is about middle school kids so they don't have any babies lol. And of course I got lots of puppy cuddles from my furbaby. That night we watched The Walking Dead and there was this scene with Michonne holding a baby and starting to cry. For those not familiar, she's a total BAMF. Not the crying sort at all! She wields a katana and at one time kept two zombies as pets. I don't know if I was reading too much into it but it really seemed like she lost a baby of her own.

In a way I feel like I'm lucky because most of the really emotional days happen so close together. Remembrance day the 15th, then the angelversary on the 21st, then our TTC anniversary on the 28th I think. It makes for a really rough half of the month but it also gets it all over with quickly. I think it would hurt more if everything was spread out. This way I can feel what I need to feel and hopefully come out of it feeling like it was cathartic in November.

Cycle 11 CD25 (1dpo?) - How would you like your eggs?

Fertilized!

At this point I'm just guessing, but I'm pretty sure I am 1dpo. I got a +OPK at about 3am CD22 (so the night of CD21) and continued to get them for 36 hours. It might have been 48 hours but I didn't test again until 60 hours, at which point it was slightly under. I normally only get surges lasting 14 or 18 hours (sometimes less than 12) so this was really long for me.

I don't have enough pre-o temps to confirm ovulation, but my temp did rise quite a bit this morning in relation to my last three temps. Since I took it 2 hours early it probably would have been even higher. So we will see what the next few days bring. It would be pretty sucky if I had a surge, and my temp rose, and I still didn't ovulate but I'm sure it's possible.

Unfortunately since we are both still sick my poor egg was stood up. I was so worried about this cycle a month ago and now I'm out just because we were too sick to do it. Oh well, at least I (probably) ovulated! Later then we would like obviously but it's a good start for 2.5mg Femara. I might have ovulated at my normal time if it wasn't for being so sick. Poor DH had to go to the doctor again and get more antibiotics and some prescription cough medicine. Hopefully we will both be over this soon!

On thing I failed to mention last time is how wonderful Femara is vs Clomid. I haven't had any side effects basically. Of course I didn't have many side effects on 50mg Clomid, either. Still it's nice to not be constantly nauseous or have hot flashes or be excessively moody. Since I found this coupon site and cost is no longer a factor I would definitely suggest Femara over Clomid.

Other than having bad timing this cycle, we have also reached another TTC milestone. As of a few days ago we have been TTC 15 months. I know 15 months doesn't sound like a milestone so let me explain. If you are a fertile myrtle and have good timing you have a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle. Odds are you will be pregnant within six months. 6 + 9 = 15. Basically we should have at least a newborn by now if it weren't for my issues, since other than this cycle our timing has been good. Instead with the recent change in protocol I feel like we're just starting over.

Cycle 9 CD10 - Unhappy Anniversary

Creeper face!

The week since my loss has been.... long. I've had some bad days, some okay days, and some days where I swing from bad to okay and back again. I haven't had any good days yet but I'm sure they will come. I have tried to stay busy and that has worked decently. Friday we went to a homecoming festival thing for the school DH goes to/works at and I carved a Minecraft themed pumpkin and won $20 at trivia. Saturday we went out of town to see some friends from highschool and I had a really fun time playing Apples to Apples with them. Sunday we were going to go on a picnic with my older sister but there was a cold front due to the hurricane so we cancelled. She and her DH drove into town anyway and we went out to dinner which was nice. I finished my book, The Haunting of Hill House, and I thought it was pretty good but didn't care for the ending.

The 24th also marked our one year TTC anniversary. On one hand it was hard to deal with the loss and this milestone at the same time, but on the other it's nice to get it over with while I'm already in a sucky mood. Definitely had a little pity party for myself that despite being on fertility medications we have still made it to this point. Even if we didn't have documented issues we would be considered infertile now.

A few days ago I started to have some fertile CM which was pretty weird, being so early. I had pains on my left side similar to what I know now were O pains last cycle but were less intense. My temp even went up yesterday which made me think I had O'd already, on CD8! Remember that the last two cycles I didn't ovulate till CD20 and that was with the help of Clomid. My temp is back down this morning though so I guess it was a false alarm. I was going to get some progesterone to use just in case that was an issue with my pregnancy but I'm glad I decided to wait until I had crosshairs. If I had started it yesterday it could have screwed up this cycle even more. I am just taking it one day at a time and from now on will try not to analyze so much unless I actually do get crosshairs. Obviously that is easier said than done.