Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Cycle 9 CD10 - Unhappy Anniversary

Creeper face!
The week since my loss has been.... long. I've had some bad days, some okay days, and some days where I swing from bad to okay and back again. I haven't had any good days yet but I'm sure they will come. I have tried to stay busy and that has worked decently. Friday we went to a homecoming festival thing for the school DH goes to/works at and I carved a Minecraft themed pumpkin and won $20 at trivia. Saturday we went out of town to see some friends from highschool and I had a really fun time playing Apples to Apples with them. Sunday we were going to go on a picnic with my older sister but there was a cold front due to the hurricane so we cancelled. She and her DH drove into town anyway and we went out to dinner which was nice. I finished my book, The Haunting of Hill House, and I thought it was pretty good but didn't care for the ending.

The 24th also marked our one year TTC anniversary. On one hand it was hard to deal with the loss and this milestone at the same time, but on the other it's nice to get it over with while I'm already in a sucky mood. Definitely had a little pity party for myself that despite being on fertility medications we have still made it to this point. Even if we didn't have documented issues we would be considered infertile now.

A few days ago I started to have some fertile CM which was pretty weird, being so early. I had pains on my left side similar to what I know now were O pains last cycle but were less intense. My temp even went up yesterday which made me think I had O'd already, on CD8! Remember that the last two cycles I didn't ovulate till CD20 and that was with the help of Clomid. My temp is back down this morning though so I guess it was a false alarm. I was going to get some progesterone to use just in case that was an issue with my pregnancy but I'm glad I decided to wait until I had crosshairs. If I had started it yesterday it could have screwed up this cycle even more. I am just taking it one day at a time and from now on will try not to analyze so much unless I actually do get crosshairs. Obviously that is easier said than done.

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