Punday 4/28

Punday 4/21 - Easter Edition

From Left to Write: Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan

I'm white. Like, really white. We once went to Pensacola (which is about 2 hours away) and the side of my body next to the window got sunburned. When I bleached my hair every single one of my family members exclaimed "Wow, you look like an albino!" the first time they saw me. I thought it was coordinated but it wasn't. I have to put on sunscreen before walking the dogs. If we are going to some outdoor function I can put on sunscreen 5 times throughout and I'll still get sunburned. No one is surprised to find out I'm part Irish.

My husband is not white. We aren't sure what happened there because all of his family is, but somehow he turned out brown. Could be some recessive gene thing or maybe his mom cheated, but we don't know and probably never will. Obviously we don't know what he "is" so he gets to check the other box!

Since we in an interracial marriage this has had some consequences. One of my friend's husbands told him that in the LDS religion they believe his skin is brown because his ancestors were cursed. For real, not making that up. He's noticed he gets strange looks sometimes when we are out together. My grandparents weren't especially pleased about it. One of the reasons it's easy for me to be for marriage equality is because not long ago my own marriage wouldn't have been legal.

I love seeing us together though, especially our hands intertwined. It's like yin and yang. I used to daydream about how our kids would look, a beautiful combination of dark and light. Being genetically related to our children isn't super important to me, but I wanted that. There is a chance that we could adopt a biracial child or embryo but it's not a guarantee. We would probably have to wait longer for one to become available, especially since we don't even know what ancestry to ask for when it comes to Josh. Mexican? Polynesian? Middle Eastern? This is just one more thing infertility has taken from us.

This post was inspired by the novel Dad Is Fat by comedian Jim Gaffigan who riffs on his adventures co-parenting 5 kids in a two bedroom Manhattan apartment. Join From Left to Write on April 22 we discuss Dad Is Fat. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes

I do what I want

I'm in a bit of a stubborn mood. I've always been a bit hard headed, if you want to know the truth. I've been sick for a few weeks now, I'm not really sure how long. At first I thought it might be food poisoning because I had some pretty... violent symptoms that are often associated with food poisoning. Things have improved since the first two or three days but then stagnated. I'm almost consonantly nauseous. Sometimes eating Raspberry Touch-of-Fruit Mini Wheats helps, and it usually don't make things worse. I can't sleep until I am so tired I pass out because laying down makes me more nauseous and I end up just sitting back up again. I can't eat anything other than that cereal, toast, and ice cream without it making me sick. I know I should go to the doctor but I don't wanna! I'm an adult and you can't make me. =P

Punday 4/14

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Review: My Little Soldiers by Glenn Barden

One unequivocal fact about the infertility scene online is that it's dominated by women. It makes sense; we're the ones who do most of the testing and treatments, we're the ones who can symptom spot, and for the most part we don't mind analyzing sticks other women have peed on. But this is not just our journey, most of us have a man beside us every step of the way. It affects them too and I think a lot of the time we don't realize how much. Being able to see inside a man's head is one of the reasons I loved reading My Little Soldiers by Glenn Barden.

When I was first approached to read this the idea of it being a comedy made me a bit wary. Infertility is not joke and I didn't want to feel laughed at Thankfully my fears were unfounded. A lot of times it's funny in an inside joke kind of way. I can laugh about dildo cams and nasty fertility smoothies because I've been there. Other times the humor doesn't necessarily have anything to do with infertility at all, it's just part of Mike's character. There are a few very serious scenes (as you might expect) and their serious nature is respected. The author doesn't let comedy take away from the heavy topics the nature of this book requires.

Since we've started down this journey it's become painfully obvious that the media doesn't know what it's talking about when it comes to adoption, loss, and infertility. It can become frustrating to be watching TV or reading a book and see them get everything so very wrong. Sometimes they even make things up out of the blue that has no basis in fact at all (I'm looking at you, House of Cards)! I haven't run the full gamut of fertility treatments but what I have experienced rings true. What I've learned from infertility blogs and forums seems to match the description of what I haven't experienced in the book. It even includes a little bit of history regarding treatments and those who developed them along the way. For this reason I think this would be a valuable book not only for infertiles but their friends and family or anyone who doesn't want to remain ignorant of what we go through. And speaking of friends and family, My Little Soldiers does a remarkable job of portraying interactions with fertile people. Unsolicited advice is unsolicited for a reason!

Reading this book made me reevaluate my husband's outward appearance of strength and detachment. For a while now I have been contemplating giving the baby we lost a name. It's been a year and a half since I miscarried and now seems an odd time to name him or her but I think it would help me. I think my child deserves a name. I was scared to bring it up to my husband because what if he thinks it's silly? I still think about our child every single day but what if he doesn't? What if he rejects the notion and calls it ridiculous? I really don't give him enough credit. We talked about it and agreed. We haven't settled on a name yet, but we will - together. This is his journey too and he's just as invested as I am.

Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book for review purposes but all thoughts are my own.

Punday 4/7

The Joke's on You

Yesterday was April Fools Day. I'm sure most if not all of you have seen images like this one posted on blogs and social media, you may have even shared it yourself. I saw one person even say she would unfriend anyone that joked about this.

I never shared it though (until now I guess) and I've been thinking about why not. These jokes just don't bother me despite my years of infertility and one loss. It's not my favorite prank but that's mostly because it's pretty overdone. I've come up with a couple reasons why this is not hurtful for me.

I know the announcement is not true and that take's it's power away. April 1'st is the only day I can go on social media safe in the knowledge that I won't see a real announcement. This week I've seen a birth announcement from someone I unfriended but Facebook still had me following and a pregnancy announcement from an old friend who hardly ever posts anything. Every time I go online there is this fear I will see another one, but not on April 1'st.

I would rather see fake announcements from most people that real ones. We recently found out my cousin's girl friend is pregnant when she posted an ultrasound picture on Facebook. It's a boy and they are giving him Danger as a middle name. I wish that was just an April Fools joke!

If you are announcing on April Fools then you aren't actually pregnant. I don't have to worry about seeing a real one from you for at least a couple weeks if you announce early or a few month if you don't. You are safe now. I've come to the conclusion than April 1st is my favorite day to see pregnancy announcements.