Cycle 12 CD5 - Femara is my Valentine

I'm a day late. Again. Just wasn't feeling up to blogging yesterday. Thank you everyone who commented on my last post, I'm really not looking for pity I just want people to understand and not expect more than I'm capable of. Today however I am feeling much better and I'm pretty sure I have Femara to thank for that.

This cycle we increased my dose from 2.5 to 5mg so hopefully that gets me an earlier O. I noticed last cycle that about 12 hours after taking my first dose AF slowed considerably. I was still cramping but the flow wasn't as heavy. By the next day I was only spotting. Well, the same thing happened this cycle! I still had a light flow CD4 but now I'm down to spotting. The cramps are much better today as well. I think it could have been a coincidence if it happened once, but now I definitely think it has something to do with Femara. Just another reason I'm glad I switched.

Publix called the other day saying my Metformin was ready to be picked up. For those who don't know, Publix fills Metformin (and a bunch of other stuff) for free which is totally awesome. They also refill your monthly prescriptions automatically instead of you having to call it in. Well I realized that only about half of my last bottle had been used. I guess that shows how bad I was about my medications last cycle. I am back on the wagon though and have taken my medications and supplements every day this cycle like a good girl.

DH is supposed to get his SA done tomorrow so we could use all your spare good vibes/thoughts/prayers/whatever you're into. I have enough issues already it would really suck if he did too. We are hoping things are fine on his end since I was able to conceive only the third time I ovulated, but we could have just gotten lucky. I will be sure to post an update on that next week.

In non-TTC related blogging news, I made a Facebook page! Why? I don't really know. Maybe in case people want to stay updated that way rather than use GFC? A lot of bloggers have pages so there must be some use to them. I do plan on posting a link to my posts every week and maybe some other random nonsense. So if you want to "like" me, you can. I added badges to the sidebar for my Facebook, Goodreads, and Instagram in case you want to see a bunch of pictures of my dog.

A Day in the Life

Watching feminine product commercials really make me jealous. I know probably no one has a "happy period", but there are women who can go to the pool. Or go to lunch with their friends. Or even be semi-productive at their job. It feels like most people don't realize just how bad my periods are. I'm not trying to play in the Pain Olympics or play the "my life sucks more than yours" game, I just want people to understand. If I cancel plans with you, if I call out of work (when I was working), if I don't return your text or cut conversations short, it's not an excuse. I really just can't. So here's a day in the life of someone with Dysmenorrhea and Menorrhagia.

Caution: This is going to get TMI

Cry out/sob in the middle of my sleep, waking up my husband who stumbles in the dark looking for my pain medication. I take 1-2 Tramadol every 6-8 hours, plus 2 extra strength Tylenol every 6 hours. Once the pain goes down enough, I fall back asleep.

Wake up again in flight mode. You know that feeling like something is wrong and you have to flee. I have leaked out of my tampon/pad again. Rush to the bathroom, carefully slip off my underwear, take the pad off, and throw them in the bathtub. I have learned not to wear pants if I can help it. Dispose of tampon, take off the rest of my clothes and jump in the shower. While in the shower hand-wash my panties as best as possible, hoping they don't stain but knowing they will. Scrub off any blood on my body. By now the adrenaline of waking up is starting to calm down and I can feel the cramps again. Put in an ultra tampon, search the bedroom for any drinkable liquid, take another Tramadol and lay down till it kicks in. The bed and pillow will be wet but they were already dirty anyway.

When I'm feeling up to it put on a nightgown or some already ruined pj/yoga pants. Go back to the bathroom and change the tampon again and also put on a pad. Take some Tylenol, cry myself back to sleep. I don't sleep well as I try to stay aware of how it's feeling downstairs so I don't make a mess again.

Get back up. Change tampon/pad. Our plumbing is supposed to be able to handle tampons but I use so many in a day that it clogs it up. I have to alternate flushing and wrapping them up in tissue to throw away. Have to make sure the bathroom door stays closed so the dog doesn't try and find the blood. I check the time to see if I can take anymore Tramadol yet.

Call the nurse to let her know AF has arrived and update her on when I ovulated, wait while she asks Dr. E about this cycle's protocol. Ask for another Tramadol prescription. Find something on Netflix and lay back down because I hurt too much to do anything else. Probably cry some more.

Try to read, but can't concentrate because of the pain and the fuzzy feeling the drugs give me.

Try to play a video game but kill myself when an extra awful cramp catches me off guard.

Wish I was a man.

Wonder if I really want a baby. Maybe getting a hysterectomy isn't such a bad idea,

Restart whatever I was watching on Netflix because I missed most of it.

My little sister asks me to do something with her. Come play Just Dance with me! Let's go to the park! I can barely hobble from the couch to the bathroom. Can we watch a movie? Try to find something I've seen a dozen times so it won't matter if I can't pay attention.

Take more Tramadol/Tylenol as needed. It's always needed. Take as often as time allows.

Change tampon/pad every 3-2 hours. Sometimes less than half an hour. I always know when it's going to get really heavy like that as the cramps get worse. I bring my iPod into the bathroom and just lay on the tile floor in between changes as there's no point in leaving. In the summer I will take another shower and just sit in the bathtub with the water running, but we run out of hot water too fast in the winter.

Husband comes home, thank God! He can get me something to eat. I probably haven't eaten all day, takes too much effort. When the cramps get extra bad he will massage my abdomen in between my belly button and my pubic bone. It seems to help.

Scotty wants to play. He wants to go for a walk and smell all the smells and pee on all the mailboxes. I'm sorry, you can look at me with those big puppy eyes as much as you want, I can't do it. Try not to cry.

Go to bed early. All the medication makes me sleepy and hurting so much is exhausting. I'm probably getting to be anemic as well. Good thing I started taking iron. Make sure to change my tampon/pad and take more Tramadol before getting in bed. Hope I don't have to wake up too many times during the night.

It has taken me all day to write this. I'm not looking for sympathy. Really. But if I tell you I can't do X because AF is in town, believe me. Do not patronize me by saying, "Oh it's just cramps! Take a midol." Otherwise I'll probably bleed all over you.

Cycle 11 CD33 (9dpo) - Patience Bootcamp

When dealing with infertility (or even just being actively TTC) it seems you are constantly waiting for something.

Waiting for Aunt Flow
Waiting to start your fertility medication
Waiting for your thermometer to beep before moving a muscle
Waiting for a positive OPK
Waiting to pee so your urine isn't too diluted
Waiting 5 minutes before looking at the test so you know it will be accurate
Waiting for crosshairs to confirm ovulation
Waiting for some new promising symptom to show up
Waiting till at least 10dpo to test
Waiting to pee (again)
Waiting 5 minutes (again)
Waiting for AF
Waiting for doctor appointments
Waiting for lab results
Waiting for OPKs/HPTs to arrive in the mail

Waiting for my turn.

It's easy to get frustrated when it feels like all you are doing is waiting. Months are passing you by as you wait for one thing or another. Can't we just move forward already?

Instead of getting frustrated I have decided to look at this as Patience Bootcamp. Patience is a virtue, after all. In this fast paced, instantly connected world of ours I could definitely use some more patience. I'm used to instant news updates, instant messaging, Netflix Instant Queue, Instagram, instant mashed potatoes, instant pudding, instant oatmeal, instant grits, etc (can you tell I'm hungry?). Waiting for something that means so much to us isn't going to do me any harm. After all, I'm going to need patience as a mother. I may not be a parent yet, but I worked in day care and I watched my little sister often when she was a baby. One thing I learned is the more frustrated you get the fussier they are. I choose to use this time in my life for personal growth. Maybe through all this waiting I will be better prepared to deal with a crying, colicy baby until DH gets home and I can finally take a shower. Or to deal with a toddler who insists on answering every question with "no". I doubt anyone has started their therapy session of with, "Well you see Doc, my mother was just too patient with me as a child."

Books for a Buck February 8-9

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Cycle 11 CD25 (1dpo?) - How would you like your eggs?

Fertilized!

At this point I'm just guessing, but I'm pretty sure I am 1dpo. I got a +OPK at about 3am CD22 (so the night of CD21) and continued to get them for 36 hours. It might have been 48 hours but I didn't test again until 60 hours, at which point it was slightly under. I normally only get surges lasting 14 or 18 hours (sometimes less than 12) so this was really long for me.

I don't have enough pre-o temps to confirm ovulation, but my temp did rise quite a bit this morning in relation to my last three temps. Since I took it 2 hours early it probably would have been even higher. So we will see what the next few days bring. It would be pretty sucky if I had a surge, and my temp rose, and I still didn't ovulate but I'm sure it's possible.

Unfortunately since we are both still sick my poor egg was stood up. I was so worried about this cycle a month ago and now I'm out just because we were too sick to do it. Oh well, at least I (probably) ovulated! Later then we would like obviously but it's a good start for 2.5mg Femara. I might have ovulated at my normal time if it wasn't for being so sick. Poor DH had to go to the doctor again and get more antibiotics and some prescription cough medicine. Hopefully we will both be over this soon!

On thing I failed to mention last time is how wonderful Femara is vs Clomid. I haven't had any side effects basically. Of course I didn't have many side effects on 50mg Clomid, either. Still it's nice to not be constantly nauseous or have hot flashes or be excessively moody. Since I found this coupon site and cost is no longer a factor I would definitely suggest Femara over Clomid.

Other than having bad timing this cycle, we have also reached another TTC milestone. As of a few days ago we have been TTC 15 months. I know 15 months doesn't sound like a milestone so let me explain. If you are a fertile myrtle and have good timing you have a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle. Odds are you will be pregnant within six months. 6 + 9 = 15. Basically we should have at least a newborn by now if it weren't for my issues, since other than this cycle our timing has been good. Instead with the recent change in protocol I feel like we're just starting over.

Liebster Blog Award, Part 2

A few of you may remember that I was nominated for the Liebster Blog Award back in November by The Greek Housewife. Well I got sick (think I had the flu?) and never finished posting about that. I also apparently never finished my 30 Days of Thanks. Oops. Well now I have been nominated again by not one, but two lovely ladies: Danser Cheri from 2 Love Birds Building a Nest and Victoria from You Make Me Feel Like Dancing! Since I've already done the 11 Things About Me part, I'm just going to link you to that post. Everything is mostly the same as it was then, only I have a few more zebra items and I'm less confident my rainbow baby will be here quickly (I will have one though!).

Now on to the questions!

Vickie's Questions

1. What frustrates you about blogging? 
My ideas seem to come in waves. So I will have 50 things I want to blog about one week, and then nothing the next. I usually end up just not posting most of the stuff when I'm in the flood stage because I'm afraid I'm going to seem too inconsistent. I really need the schedule of posting every Wednesday or some weeks I might post everyday but then go a month without anything.

2. What do you love about blogging?
I love having an outlet, a space that is mine, to say whatever I want.

3. If you had 3 hours to yourself (no husband, no kids, no chores) what would you do? 
The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world! Really though, as a SAHW I have a lot of free time as is. So I'd probably play around online, watch some Netflix, read, etc.

4. Apart from blogging, how do you spend your free time? 
Playing around online, watching Netflix, reading, etc. =P

5. What is your favorite music? Artist? 
I like what my husband calls Emo White Boy Music. My favorite artist is Anberlin.

6. Describe your ideal romantic dinner! 
I don't know. Romantic dinners aren't really my thing.

7. What is your favorite form of exercise? 
Pretty much the only exercise I do is yoga and pilates so I guess that. I liked dancing like stuff like zumba back when I could do it and not go into a pain crisis.

8. What is your favorite snack? 
Pickles! Also Honey Nut Cheerios.

9. Do you have pets? 
Yes, a 2 year old Yorkie whom I love super muches.

10. What is your all-time favorite movie? 
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

11. What could you really live without? (object)
A food processor. We have one but we rarely use it. There are only a few things I'd miss having it for.

Danser Cheri's Questions

1. What is your favorite color and why?
My favorite color goes back and forth between green and purple. I don't know why, I guess because they are pretty?

2. So, you have a blog. Why? 
I wanted to start documenting our TTC journey so hopefully I could look back on it one day and think about how far we've come.

3. What is your goal for this year? 
Read 30 books. I read 27 books last year so an extra three shouldn't be too hard.

4. What is the best song to describe your mood today? 
Down With The Sickness

5. Who are the 3 most important people in your life and why? 
Oooh this is so hard! DH would be the first one, then probably my mom, but I'm conflicted on the third one. I have two sisters so I really don't want to say one over the other.

6. How did you meet your significant other? (if single, what do you look for in a significant other?) 
I met him on WoW. You can read more about that in my 11 Things About Me post.

7. If there was a $100 bill laying on the ground, would you take it? If so, what would you buy with it? If not, why? 
Heck yeah I would take it! Only reason I wouldn't would be if I could easily tell who it belonged to, and then I would give it back. Otherwise I would take it and put it in the bank with the rest of our money.

8. Compare yourself to your 15 year old self. What would you tell him/her? 
Honestly I can't remember what was going on when I was 15.

9. What is your worst vice? 
Carbs. They are oh so good, and yet so bad.

10. Take your age and double it. Where do you see yourself at that age? 
I would be 48. By then I see myself with a couple of kids one way or another, living somewhere other than Florida, but other than that it's hard to say.

11. What is the best life advice you can give your followers?
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Victoria's Questions

1. What was your favorite TV show growing up? 
I Love Lucy

2. What is it that you "get" out of blogging? 
A sense of release.

3. What is your favorite book? Why? 
Probably Anthem by Ayn Rand. I'm a fan of dystopias in general. It's so short you can easily read it in one afternoon so I don't even know how many times I've read it.

4. What made you decide to repost this and nominate others? 
I figure three nominations is a pretty good sign I should actually get around to doing it haha!

5. What is your favorite memory? 
Seeing my DH in person for the first time.

6. What do you do when nobody's watching? 
Dance around in my computer chair.

7. If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money, and why?
I would of course bring out the big fertility guns, injectibles at the very least and IVF if that didn't work. I would buy a new-to-me car. I would get a much nicer apartment/rented house, but not buy a house as we are looking at moving away from the area in 2014. I would update my wardrobe slightly and get some really nice, supportive bras. The ultimate goal though would be to invest the bulk of it so it could supplement our finances long-term.


8. If you could donate to any charity (any specific charity, or a general cause), what would it be?
Something to do with PCOS or Endo I would imagine, or the Methuselah Foundation.

9. If you could do any job in the world, what would it be? 
I just want to be a mom.

10. What do you love most about yourself? List five reasons why. 
I am my own person. I like the things I like, and don't like what I don't. I'm a nerd, but I like Doctor Who because it is entertaining not because I feel I should. I also like Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco even though I know I shouldn't. I don't care if my decisions are popular or not. For the most part I don't even care if people like me or not.

11. Chocolate or vanilla?
Chocolate!

My Questions

1. What is your favorite blog entry (posted by yourself of course) and why?
2. What is your favorite quote?
3. What is your goal for this year?
4. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
5. Do you know a second (or third, etc) language? If so, what?
6. If you had to pick between bringing 100 books or 100 movies to a deserted island, which would you choose?
7. Apple or Android?
8. What's for dinner?
9. Coffee or tea?
10. If you were to adopt, would it be open or closed?
11. What's the best advice you can give to your followers?

(Yes I know, I stole some of the questions. So sue me.)

Nominations

A Passage to Baby
Donating Hope
Bits and Pieces
Sarah's Corner
My Life with Porh and Other Craziness
Dancing My Way Through Life, Loss, and Books
Every Little Beautiful Pieces
Waiting for my Bun
Our Journey from "Us Two" to a Family
Against All Odds We Did It
My Violet Thoughts