I am so, so sorry.

Something weird has been happening in TTC land this week. Several other gals I know have been late, but not pregnant. These are women who have been TTC for a while and know when they ovulate, so it wasn't just they ovulated late, their LP was longer than normal. So weird. Not even a hint of a line on a test so I don't think they had chemicals or anything. Breaks my heart to see them go through that and know how hopeful they must have been, only to have that hope crushed. =[

A lot of people have been sending their condolences to these ladies. This is awesome because we can all use some support on CD1. I feel kinda bad though, because every time I see someone post "I'm so, so sorry" I can't help but think of Doctor Who. It just happens. I always read it in Ten's voice and chuckle a little, then feel guilty because it's not really something I should be laughing about...

So that's my confession for the day.

Oh and as a side note, since I'm posting on one of my off days anyway, I've been having a weird symptom all day. Well I'm sure it even IS a symptom. But my feet keep falling asleep and feeling all tingly. Like if you sit funny too long and cut off the circulation. Only it's been happening at times when I'm most definitely not cutting off the circulation so I don't know what the flying flaming flamingos is going on.

Cycle 10 CD21 (5DPO) - We did it!

I searched forever for a Dora "we did it" gif and could not find one. =[ So this jpeg of her high-fiving Boots will just have to do.

Anyway, as you can see by the blog title my ovaries managed not only to ovulate, but do it three days early! Yeah! Normally I would have just ovulated but this cycle I'm already halfway to testing time. Hopefully implantation will be in the next few days. Last time I felt some weird twinges at 7dpo which I'm guessing was around implantation so I know I'm going to be looking for that again. Would it be weird if my new year's resolution was to give birth?

I've had some new symptoms this TWW that I'm not sure are good or bad. I had a migraine yesterday that finally went away overnight, but then showed back up tonight about two hours ago. It's common for me to have a migraine a few times a month but I've never had one after O. Look at me acting like I'm an LP pro when my sample size is 3. =D I guess it's still to early in my TWW career to know if this is "normal" for me. Along with that I've also had extremely sore nipples since 2dpo. I've gotten breast tenderness before but this is new.

I've noticed something about my temps. The green line is the first time I ovulated since February. My starting pre-o temps were about as high as my post-O temps. Then the purple line was the third month I O'd (total), which directly followed the green month. Those pre-O temps were much lower in relation to my post-O temps. Only one of them was over the coverline. The blue line is this cycle. As you can see, it follows the same pattern as the green line. Both of those cycles followed an anovulatory one where I had to take provera to induce AF. So it seems following an anov cycle my pre-O temps are high. I of course hope that this is my last cycle for a long time, but I am interested to see what my temps would be like next cycle. My guess is they would be closer to the purple line. 

As I think I've mentioned before, along with my womanly issues I also have chronic chest pain. I was on a medication to help that but for reasons I won't go into I couldn't get a refill for a few months. Well I just started taking it again which is awesome. The pain gets worse when I do any physical activity, but it's not so bad when I'm on this medication. I can still only do light exercise for about 15 minutes, but hey it's something. I just got a yoga mat (before I was using a folded up blanket lol) and my little sister got Just Dance 4 and is begging me to play it with her. I really want to play with her and start yoga back but I'm scared to being in the TWW and all. I wasn't so worried Christmas Eve/Christmas but now that I'm in the potential implantation zone I'm a bit paranoid. I've heard so many conflicting things. Maybe I'll forgo the Just Dance and only do yoga poses that don't target your abs. 

We watched The Happening a few days ago. Sorry if this is a spoiler but at the end the female lead takes a pregnancy test. I thought it was pretty funny because when they showed it the test line was EXACTLY the same as the control line. I've seen a lot of pregnancy tests in the 14 months we've been TTC and it's pretty rare for them to be exactly the same in my experience. Usually if it's before AF is due the test line is lighter. If she had waited until AF was several days late (like they weren't TTC and just got worried) it probably would have been darker than the control, unless she has a short LP. I mean I know people who had tests darker than the control at 16dpo! So anyway I just thought that was funny. I probably wouldn't have noticed if we hadn't been TTC so long.

Yeah, I don't believe it either. 

Just think, next time I write a blog post I might know if we were successful or not! AF isn't do until next Friday but I'm going to start testing on Monday. 

Happy ICLW!

For those unfamiliar with ICLW, it stands for International Comment Leaving Week and happens every month from the 21-28th. It's for the ALI (adoption, loss, infertility) crowd and a great way to connect with others going through similar situations. If you fall in there somewhere I'd definitely encourage you to sign up next month!

For those stopping by, welcome! Here's a brief synopses of our situation. Diagnosed with PCOS in 2006 and told would most likely need medical assistance to conceive. Married in 2009 and was NTNP on and off depending on my health (sometimes I would go on HBC for a few months to regulate my hormones). Diagnosed with Endo in September of 2011 and told I had 1-2 years before I would most likely need a hysterectomy, unless I had a baby. Started TTC in October 2011 as soon as I was given the okay. Was given two cycles to prove I did not ovulate on my own using OPKs and temping, then started Clomid in February of 2012. I ovulated that cycle but did not ovulate again until cycle 7, in September of 2012 on 150mg. Unhappy with my O date (CD20) my doctor continued to raise my dose. The next cycle on 200mg I ovulated again and got a BFP! Whoohoo! Unfortunately I miscarried three days later on October 21st. You can read about that here. Took a cycle off and now we are back at it, on 250mg. Yikes. I should be about to ovulate any day now! I've been warned that if I don't succeed soon I will have to go to an RE and start more expensive treatments which we unfortunately can't afford. So I could use all your baby dust and fingers crossed that we get a Christmas miracle!

Cycle 10 CD16 - Go Time

Yesterday was a really great day! First we went to pick out fabric for my two custom dresses (and one for my little sister). One of them is for formal night on the cruise but one of just to wear. Here is what the formal one is going to look like, sorta.

The dress is going to be hunter green. It's long like A but has a hook and eye for the halter like D instead of the tie. The top and bottom are going to have this sparkly green shear fabric over them but the band in the middle won't. I'm really looking forward to it!

I'm also getting an "infinity dress" made. The skirt is going to be made out of this sparkly purple fabric (I like sparkly things). Note this is an extreme close up of the fabric because she only gave me a little piece to keep. I'm going to find some gold that matches the sparkles over the next two weeks for the strap parts. I've wanted one of these dresses for like a year and a half so I'm happy to finally be getting it!

Then we went to see The Hobbit. They had this really cool Bag End display set in front of the entrance to the theater, so of course I had to get a picture! I really loved the movie, but it's been several years since I've read the book so I don't know how accurate it is. 

Okay now an update on my cycle. I'm fairly certain I'm going to get my +OPK today or really early Friday morning (before we go to bed tonight). The one I took this morning looked pretty close. I got a picture of it but it doesn't look near as close in the picture as it did IRL. Last night I noticed a bit of EWCM so things are looking good! I also had some mild ovulation pains but nothing like I had with O two cycles ago. I didn't have the really strong ones till the day before O so that makes sense. So basically it's go time. Wish us luck! Here's the OPK but like I said it looks a lot closer IRL.

Cycle 10 CD8 - So sleepy!

This week has been terrible! Absolutely terrible. I'm still feeling positive about the cycle over all, but remaining that way would be a lot easier of I got to sleep.

It started of with possibly the worst cramps of my life. I couldn't do anything. I get prescription pain medication for my cramps since they are bad all the time, but this was a whole different level. I took twice as much as normal plus some OTC stuff and I still couldn't function. It was horrible. I'm really hoping that was a one time thing and they won't be that bad all the time now. Well really I hope I don't get anymore AF cramps  for like a year anyway. 

Once I started the Clomid I had to deal with those side effects too. Mostly that's been hot flashes and nausea, the mood swings haven't been so bad yet. The combination of those two is what's keeping me from sleeping. My nausea is worse when I lay down so obviously that's a problem. I can't lay down unless I know I'm going to fall asleep quickly or I will just have to sit back up. So I have to push myself to the edge of exhaustion.

Then the hot flashes keep me from sleeping well once I do fall asleep. Here's the thing about hot flashes, you don't go from normal to hot to normal again. When you're in the middle of it you start to sweat. Sweat's purpose is to cool your body off when it evaporates. So when it's over you are all sweaty and it's fairly cool in the house, so you get cold. It's kind of a nippy cold, you know like a sharp cold. So you cycle through comfortable, hot, cold, comfortable and can do that a few times an hour. Covers on, covers off, covers wrapped around you tight, over and over again. It's not fun.

When I do eventually get to sleep I end up sleeping too late in the day so I can't get anything done. If I make myself get up (like I did today) I still don't get anything done because I'm too tired. I have been needing to go get a new social security card for a while because I will need it for the cruise in January so I had planned to do that this week. I think it will be fairly simple but I don't want to wait and then find out it takes three weeks or something. But I just can't seem to get myself down there.

I just keep telling myself it will all be worth it in the end. Sleep deprivation is something I'm going to have to get used to with a baby anyway, right?

Cycle 10 CD1 - Back to the Grind

I almost posted this morning about how irritated I was AF still hadn't shown. I'm glad I waited, as now I can do a CD1 post instead!

I'm excited about this because I've known for a couple of days I wasn't preg. I'm pretty sure I didn't actually O so I changed my setting on FF so it would take my CH's away. I stopped the provera on Saturday after another BFN so have just been waiting for AF since then. Started spotting late Sunday night so expected to start yesterday. Oh well at least she's here now!

Cycle 10 Plan

250mg Clomid - Debating whether to try CD3-7 or stick with 5-9

Estrogen - 5 days starting the day after I finish Clomid

Progesterone - If I think I'm pregnant and I notice a temp drop, otherwise no as I don't want to delay AF

DHA, Calcium+D, Iron, Metformin - every day 

EPO - Twice a day until O

Lemon Water - At least one glass a day until O

Instead Cups

My DH is also drinking lemon water as it's supposed to sway boy by making his swimmers more alkaline  He probably only needs a couple glasses a day but I guess he likes it because it's all he's been drinking for like a week. Doubt it will actually work, but there's no harm in trying.

I'm really pumped about this cycle! If I do get a BFP that is awesome obviously, but if not I'll be going on a cruise right after AF leaves (FX'd she's not still here) so looking forward to that will make it a little easier to deal with. I'm just starting the iron and lemon water this cycle so I hope that helps. I'm also increasing my EPO in case the increased Clomid makes my CM any worse. I've heard good things about using the Instead Cups, but even if they don't help us conceive it should make things... less messy, which is nothing to complain about. =D Looking at a possible Christmas Eve O so might have to send a letter to Santa!

It feels good to be actively TTC again. I definitely needed the break last cycle because I was kind of in a funk, even before the loss. Now though I am ready to go! I have absolutely awful cramps right now even though I've already taken some pain meds, but somehow it's not bothering me. Well it is physically obviously but not mentally. I expect the side effects will be terrible this cycle since we've increased my clomid again but I know it will all be worth it. I have hope now and that is invaluable. Praying it lasts during the long wait till O time...