Down With The Sickness

Last Thursday I woke up in immense lower abdominal pain and proceeded to puke my guts out repeatedly. All weekend I couldn't successfully eat more than applesauce and orange sherbet, so on Tuesday I decided enough is enough and went to the doctor. Turns out I have a bacterial infection! Shouldn't really be a surprise because one of the side effects of the steroids I was on last week is an inability to fight infections. I was given some nausea meds and that has helped some, although I'm still only eating soft bland foods. After eating only applesauce and orange sherbet I'm happy I can at least add things like mac and cheese to my diet.

Yesterday was my follow up with the neurologist. Turns out I have arthritis in my neck! I didn't even know that was a thing. I was given a handy Neck Owner's Manual with tips to hopefully keep things from getting worse and some physical therapy exercises to do at home. There are two different injections I can get if the PT isn't enough. I would try one of them right away but we don't have insurance right now (DH's job just cut his hours) and both of them are quite expensive. I don't know just how expensive because the billing person had left for the day, but the doctor acted like it would be a stretch for self-pay patients. One of them is called the Cervical Facet Injection and is cheaper but probably less effective. The other is called the Cervical Radiofrequency Ablation and is more expensive but also more effective. They said I can give the PT up to two months before doing either injection which gives us some time to figure out the insurance situation.


So now with all of this I'm like a human pharmacy. I need to get one of those pill boxes old people have lol! Right now I am on:

• Nausea meds 4 times a day
• Probiotic 3 times a day
• Pain meds 2-3 times a day
• Antibiotic 2 times a day
• Anti-inflammatory 2 times a day
• Muscle relaxer 2 times a day
• Endometriosis meds once a day
• Chronic chest pain meds once a day
• B-Complex supplement once a day
• Calcium supplement once a day

I should also be taking Niacin and DHA but you have to take those with meals and I usually forget. Last week I also had to take my migraine meds for a few days but thankfully the migraine is gone now. I usually only get migraines once every month or two so hopefully won't have to take them again for a while. So that's what, 20 something pills a day? I don't think I was taking that many even when I was on fertility drugs! Also three of the things I'm on cause drowsiness so I feel like a bear hibernating for the winter. But hey, it's not cancer and at the moment surgery isn't on the table so things could be worse!

Here's your reminder to enter my giveaway.

Punday 8/26

Before I get to the puns, I have something very serious to ask. One of my very good friends found out yesterday that she has an empty sac. She doesn't think she's ovulated since May (has been bleeding on and off since then) so it appears to be a loss and not just too early to see baby. If you could please keep her and her husband in your thoughts and prayers, I know it would be appreciated. They have been trying just as long as we have and my heart is truly broken for them.

Don't forget that comments are worth 5 entries in my giveaway!

Friday Findings 8/23

Last week I mentioned possibly starting a news themed post on Fridays. I've thought a lot about what to call it and this is what I came up with. What do you think? Do you have a better or catchier title idea? Please share if you do! This week I have three stories, one about PCOS, one about Endo, and one general infertility.

Big breakfast diet could 'boost fertility for PCOS women'

Study found that women who eat a large breakfast, medium sized lunch, and small dinner were 56% less insulin resistant, reduced testosterone levels by 50%, and saw a 50% rise in ovulation rates compared to those who ate a small breakfast, medium lunch, and large dinner. This could not only help improved fertility rates but reduce other PCOS symptoms as well. I found this interesting because historically I've eaten small breakfasts or no breakfast at all. 

MicroRNAs expression profiling of eutopic proliferative endometrium in women with ovarian endometriosis

I'll be honest, I'm not exactly sure what this one means lol. From my elementary understanding it seems like our miRNA acts different than the mkiRNA of women without endometriosis. I think this difference may be part of the reason our endometrial lining ends up in the wrong places. Even if I can't understand it completely it seems like they are making progress toward understanding this disease which is a great thing.

Fertility Treatment Puts Women at Risk of Stress Disorder

A study found that 46% of infertile participants met the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis. I'd like to say I was shocked by this but I'm not. Infertility is definitely a traumatic experience that never really leaves you, even decades after it is resolved. 

As a specimen, yes I'm intimidating!

For the past six days I've been taking steroids. I'm not sure what they're supposed to do to help me, nor if they did/are doing whatever that is properly. I do know they have turned me into a hungry, hungry, hippo. Or maybe the very hungry caterpillar? Either way I'm hungry all.the.time! This is very weird for me because normally I don't get proper hunger cues. I often have to eat when I'm not hungry otherwise I wouldn't eat all day. So to go from one extreme to the other is very strange! I feel like I'm going to starve unless I'm snacking constantly so I've been eating a lot of popcorn and dry cereal which I can eat one piece at a time. I've also been drinking a lot of water (or crystal light) as I've been told that can help you feel full but it hasn't seemed to help much.

I think that's the only side effect I've had so far though, which is good. Unlike good ol' Gaston my gun show is still closed for remodeling. I remember last time I had to take steroids they turned me into a meanie and I don't think that's happened this time. It might have been a different one though. I do feel a little more easily irritated but when I notice that's happened I just leave the room, close the page, etc. Thou shalt not be snarky!

Other than that I've just been feeling generally drugged up. You know, kind of foggy. Can't think well. I've been reading New Stars for Old by Marc Read (which I won via Goodreads First Reads) but I've had to shelve it for the moment. I read a page and then realize I have no idea what I just read lol. So now I'm a book behind on my goal for the year. =( One of my favorite pastimes is having intellectual conversations on a variety of topics but I can't do that right now either. I'm in a few groups that post topics to debate and normally I'll read ones that interest me even if I don't participate, but now I don't even bother. Why make my brain hurt when there are still shows I haven't seen on Netflix, you know?

My CT scan is actually this Friday not last Friday and my follow up isn't until the 29th. Hoping I can get some answers then.

Don't forget that commenting on this post earns you 5 entries to my OPK and HPT giveaway! But you have to actually enter it yourself there's not a way for me to do it automatically. I'll even embed it again so you don't have to go to my other post.

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Blogiversary, coupon code, and giveaway!

Happy 1st Blog Blogiversary to me! I can't believe it's been a year since I started this blog. One year later I'm definitely not where I thought I would be. Although to be honest, I had no idea where I'd be now when I started last year.

I remember when I made the blog it had a very specific purpose. I had a plan for what I wanted to do with it and being TTC was just a necessary step to get there. I wanted it to be kind of a virtual scrapbook of our family. First with weekly bumpdates, then weekly updates on our children. I wanted to take a picture of them every week and then on their birthdays I could turn it into a gif and see how they had changed. I only made the blog before I was pregnant so I wouldn't forget my idea.

I'd still like to do that one day if we are blessed with children but I've come to appreciate this space for what it is currently. I'm very happy I decided to start blogging when I did instead of waiting because I've needed the support. I can't thank you all enough for always being there when I've needed you.

Now I have a couple of gifts for all my readers! Really, you guys should be giving me gifts since it's my blogiversary, but I'm going to be nice and give you some anyway. =P Firstly I have a coupon code for my Etsy shop! Enter 1STBLOGIVERSARY to get $1 off any purchase. That makes the paracord awareness bracelets only $6.20 (including US shipping)! Secondly I am giving away 10 HPTs and 17 OPKs. Just enter through rafflecopter below. I know there are lots of ways to enter and I definitely don't expect everyone to do everything, I just wanted to include as many ways as possible. Giveaway ends the night of September 19th which also happens to be my regular anniversary. Anytime you comment on a post in between now and then is worth 5 points so remember to come back and enter!


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Punday 8/19

The Secret Really is the Support

Thank you everyone who stopped by yesterday for my SITS day! It was so amazing to wake up last night (yes night, I'm secretly a vampire. If you tell anyone I'll have to bite you.) and see all the supportive comments. I said yesterday that I wish this had come at a better time, but now I realize this was the better time. This is when I needed the support. It was very helpful to hear from everyone that a) it's okay to be negative when you're having a sucky time, b) they'll be thinking about me and praying for things to get better, and c) things will get better in time. It was all very uplifting and at least for today some of the emotional fog has lifted.

I'm also very thankful that I was able to create awareness about embryo donation. This is such an amazing option and I hope one day it will be as well known as IUI or IVF with your own embryos. On one hand I was saddened by how many people commented that they had never heard of this option, but on the other glad that now they have. I hope that through being featured some struggling couple will learn of the family building option that is perfect for them.

ETA: On my facebook page I try and post about any infertility, PCOS, Endo, etc news I find interesting or informative. However sometimes I just forget to even look at the news. I was thinking about starting to do a news recap here on Fridays which would encourage me to actually look on a regular basis rather than just when I remember. Would that be something you'd be interested in reading?

It's my SITS Day!!

Hello everyone visiting from The SITS Girls! For my regular readers who aren't aware, "The SITS Girls was founded in 2008, its objective was simple: To create a space where bloggers could find their tribe and grow their audience. Although the site has evolved over the years, its commitment to this mission has not changed." Today it is a network of over 40,000 members and each day they feature a different one. Well, today is my SITS Day!

While I'm happy to be featured, I do wish it was happening at a better time when I was feeling better both physically and emotionally. So apologies for seeming like a total Negative Nancy in my recent posts. I do try to outweigh the negativity with awesome cringe worthy puns for Punday each Monday, so please do take a look at that!

Also a little shameless self-promotion: I make awareness ribbon paracord bracelets (and a few other styles as well) for infertility, infant loss, miscarriage, PCOS, endometriosis and other causes using the same colors. All money earned is being saved to go toward building our family, hopefully through embryo adoption/donation. If that sounds like something you would be interested in, please take a look at my Etsy Shop.

Now here's a picture of our dog Scotty with a bandana on his head like a peasant woman.

I don't have a good title for this

Thank you everyone for the supportive comments on my last (not Punday) post. Mentally I am feeling better than I was then. Well I don't know if better is really the right word, maybe more apathetic about the whole thing. I don't have the energy to care right now. I've stepped away from the TTC/Infertility forums and reading your TTC/Infertility/Pregnancy blogs and pretty much everything else TTC/Infertility related. Overall I feel like I'm being a bad blogger and a bad bloggy friend but like I said, I just don't have the energy to care right now.

I went to the neurologist today about my ongoing neck/shoulder pain. I've been taking the new not expired muscle relaxer and it's definitely been helping some but things aren't getting better. He said my shoulder was very tight. I need to get a CT scan done and he gave me more muscle relaxers, more pain medication, and five days of steroids for the meantime. My pulse was high. It was also high when I went to the GP about the fatigue a few weeks ago. No idea what that's about. I'm still feeling tired all the time but I figure we can't tackle that till we get the neck/shoulder thing figured out. Also my left knee responded more dramatically to the reflex test than it should have. I have no idea if that's related to what's going on (it's the same side the pain is on) or even a potential problem. Follow up appointment in two weeks but I'm not sure which day yet. They are going to call me tomorrow to tell me when and where to get the CT done and I'm assuming they will make my follow up appointment then.

Punday 8/12

Broken

I meant to write this post yesterday since I normally update on Wednesdays but I decided to procrastinate and watch TV instead. It's just really hard. I spent a long time trying to find an appropriate image for this post but they were all so depressing. So I went with a broken Weeping Angel falling down the stairs to add a bit of lightness I guess. I'd say if I wasn't depressed before I probably am now.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my health and how it has and will impact my life. Things just keep getting worse, not better. When one thing is looking up I just develop another problem. Is that what I have to live with the rest of my life? Probably.

Maybe it's true what they say and everything does happen for a reason. Maybe that's why I'm not a mom. Maybe I shouldn't be a mom. Maybe I can't.

If we had started using MA 4 years ago when I was 30 pounds lighter and my endo wasn't so bad, we might have been luckier. I probably would have still needed my lap in 2011. Whatever triggered my pleurisy/costochondritis/whatever-it-is chest pain probably would have still happened. But then I'd be dealing with that pain and the trouble of finding a doctor to treat me and the ER visits and the being accused of a drug addict with a one year old. How could I have taken care of my child? If whatever's happening now with my neck/shoulder is something I'm genetically predisposed to it might have still happened as well. Maybe the fatigue too. You don't have the option to sleep all day and not clean, cook, do laundry because you're so sleepy and it's so painful when you have a toddler. Or a one month old if my pregnancy had lasted.

Things are so bad now and I'm only 25 years old! Your body just breaks down even more more as you get older. How am I going to be able to take care of my child? How could I possibly be the mother my children deserve? Is bringing a child into this world in my condition really a good idea? Being a mom is the only goal that's remained constant since I was a child. It's hard to picture a future where that just doesn't happen. Maybe I need to realize that it like so many other dreams are just not going to happen because of the hand I've been dealt. Maybe deciding to not fight anymore, to not have children I can't take care of, makes me a good mom? The rest of my body is broken, my heart might as well be too.