It's Official

Can't find the original source, sorry.

It feels weird not titling my Wednesday post with Cycle 13 CD5. That's something I've been doing since I started this blog 7 months and 6 cycles ago. I guess now that we aren't TTC anymore it doesn't matter how many cycles ago we started. I guess I can get rid of my desktop ticker as well. In the last year and 5 months we've gone from having no hope at all, to ovulating finally and having a little hope, to YES! being pregnant, to having our souls crushed, to being absolutely certain we'd be pregnant again soon, back to no hope at all. The last year and a half has certainly been interesting. Now it's all over.

AF arrived on Saturday. I'm so thankful to Dr. E for letting me text her on weekends to get more tramadol. If I thought I was in pain before, that was nothing compared to the cramps that showed up with AF. I'm glad that's over as of last night and I'm back down to my regular amount of pain for the most part. Of course I'd rather just not hurt at all.

Speaking of Dr. E, I had an appointment with her today to talk about my pain. Internal ultrasound didn't show any cysts so she's pretty sure my endo has grown back. She put me on something called Aygestin which should help. She said it works for 80-90% of endo cases, but then again so does birth control which didn't help me long term. It works by reducing estrogen which keeps my uterine lining from thickening. It also stops the production of FSH and LH so my body won't even attempt to ovulate. While I'm on it I shouldn't have any bleeding at all! So that should eliminate the pain from AF and stop the lining from accidentally getting outside my uterus. It also causes whatever lining I have now both inside and outside my uterus to atrophy which should eliminate the pain I'm feeling now. Obviously this means no more TTC.

I started on 5mg today and if I have any bleeding within the next few weeks I'm supposed to call and get my dose increased. Once we get to a level where there's no bleeding I'll just stay on it either until we decide to use donor sperm or for the next 20 years ish. Unfortunately one of the possible side effects is bone thinning so they don't want you to stay on it past your 40's. It must be similar to the depo shot in some way because my mom ended up getting her hysterectomy because she wasn't allowed to get that anymore for the same reason. I've been taking a calcium supplement for a while because of it's positive effects while TTC so I guess I'll just keep taking it.

The good thing is if this does work then I should be able to go back to school and/or find a job. Once that happens we can begin really saving for adoption, or even IVF since I'll still have my uterus. I'm trying not to get too hopeful though.

As far as my mental state regarding stopping TTC and most likely never having bio kids, I'm not really sure how I'm doing. It's hard to tell if what I'm feeling is from depression or just the drugs. I always feel kind of tired and listless after I've been on pain medication this many days straight. I did almost break out in tears in the waiting room from having to see so many smiling pregnant women. I guess that is to be expected when you go see an OB/GYN.